He loves me, He loves me not.

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On this day, I was tapping on my consulting table, awaiting the next patient. She was a tall, athletically built, dark lady of about 28 years. Her navy trouser suit was crumpled slightly, like she had been sitting at a desk all day. Even before she told me, I could tell she worked in a bank. I was expecting a complaint of fever or cough or something simple, but she surprised me

. “I have a growth in my groin”,she said

. I asked her to let me have a look. (Not one of the most exciting parts of my job, I tell you). She had a nodule in the area called mons pubis. It’s the hairy area between the waist line and the vagina. She went on to complain of discharges, pain during sex, and so on. I decided to send her for some tests but already, it was obvious that she had a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

“Can you get your partner to come in for some tests”,I asked

.”He doesn’t live here”,she replied. He was living in a state 8 or more hours away

. When I told her to ask him to visit a hospital there and get tested, she opened up to me

. “Last time he visited, I noticed he had this same growth that I now have”,she revealed

. “Yet you had sex with him?” I asked incredulously. I could not believe a lady would go ahead to sleep with a man in whom she noticed very obvious signs of ill health

. “Did he force you? Were you intoxicated? ”

It was like a fairy tale or science fiction?. A man undresses, you observe growths, you don’t take to your heels? Who does that?

“He has even infected me with gonorrhea before and I got treated. It is because he promised to marry me. I don’t want to lose him”, she whined

. Dear reader, someone commented that someof these stories are fictional and I don’t blame him for thinking so. They, however, are cold, hard, facts. A 5.8 feet tall beauty was endangering her life for the vague promise of marriage. Someone who earns enough to foot her bills (and mine); who some decent man is praying to meet; laying down her life for ……… Eish!

I spent some time begging her to make the decision to protect herself. “Do you know how beautiful you are? If you stand by the road, do you know how many men would stop to offer you a ride?” I asked

. “But, I love him, I really love him”, she insisted.”Though I suspect he has someone else, I believe that if I give him time, he will see the way I feel about him”

“O! You even suspect he is cheating on you?” I asked

. “Yeah, he’s harsh on the phone, very suspicious, and he called to ask me to go and see a doctor as he’s not sure if I infected him with something”

Do you have anyone else?”

“No”, she cried

. I have found that few ladies know their worth. At the risk of sounding pompous, why should I make all the compromises? Do you know any man who would sleep with a lady he suspects has an STD? It beats my imagination, dear reader. Not only did she risk complications such as Pelvic inflammatory disease, she was in danger of losing her fallopian tubes. STDs can reduce future fertility and even the simple ones make you more vulnerable to HIV infections. You want to take charge of your life, so you can care for your parents in their old age. Please abstain if you are single, and be faithful if you are married. The world needs you in good health so you can be contribute your talents and gifts to make our lives better.

Proverbs 5:23 “Death is the reward of an undisciplined life; your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end”. (NLT) I love you and I pray you receive the courageto get help. Do send questions if you have any. I will answer them under the ‘Ask Dr. N’ column. God bless.


9 thoughts on “He loves me, He loves me not.

    imperfectlyperfect92 said:
    October 22, 2013 at 10:15 am

    And dat is d cold hard truth.too many ladies do not know their worth!
    I bless God 4d person he used to reveal my worth 2me.dat nyt she said “u r a beautiful,intelligent girl.men will kneel 2beg for ur hand in marriage,don’t u know?” I didn’t know den,but I now know.
    Ladies,God created us as helpmeet to men,without us,they can’t function well.and if u r a virtous woman,its all d more reason y dey need u.
    Men will plead and beg u to b wt dem,decent and godly men o,not yeye.so y settle for less?
    Pls pls mk una hear o.
    Thanks 4dis doc.


    Lisa said:
    January 27, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    Dr. What if the man in question is your husband? You have been married to him for upwards of 4years with a lovely daughter only to discover when you were 32weeks pregnant fore your 2nd baby that you have an STD called Genital warts!!!! How do you handle such am going out of my mind and am 32weeks gone!!

      drnsmusings responded:
      January 27, 2014 at 9:49 pm

      My sympaties, Lisa. Genital warts are not a death sentence. Please ensure you are properly treated so your foetus is unaffected hopefully. Obviously he has been unfaithful? The priority is you and the baby’s health, he is secondary. I advice you seek marriage counselling. In church if you belong to one, or from professionals otherwise. It will take a lot to forgive him. Forgiveness is a must but he will have to earn your trust. That being said, there’s nithing worse he can do. Thank God it’s not HIV! Please focus on getting better and take your mind off the “whys”. It will only lead to torment. Bad things happen to good people but God delivers them from it. Praying with u.

    Lisa said:
    January 28, 2014 at 8:18 am

    Thanks Dr. For your promt reply. While am undergoing plenty of tests at the hospital and the doctors are being too nice and evasive. Please tell me point blank does this pose any risk to my baby! Please tell me point blank I can handle it and I prefer to know what am up againt. About it not been HIV what if am in the window phase? The what if’s are driving me nuts but am trying to keep it together. Thanks for your prayers I need loads of it.

      drnsmusings responded:
      January 29, 2014 at 7:36 am

      Yes your baby is at some risk. No one can be sure how much. I pray the HIV remains neg. Please find someone to confide in so u dont lose it. Hugs

    E' said:
    July 28, 2015 at 9:54 am

    I had to smile at ‘…her bills and mine’
    Kai this is painful. Too painful.
    I don’t even know what to say so lemme direct my vex to devil
    God punish devil. He’s a bastard walahi!!!
    What is this na??????

    I recall some stories I used to hear PK tell years back when I was younger, often punctuating it with ‘…women can believe anything’ and I’ll say to myself ‘…tz a lie jor. Nobody can be that gullible’
    Now older the things I see/hear???

    God punish devil very well!!!

    Annoymous said:
    November 9, 2015 at 12:53 pm

    Hi Doc…Came across your blog sometime in August this year and I followed through with the series on as at that time. was prompted however to read your past articles which am doing presently and i came across this. Unlike the previous commenter, am not pregnant yet to be married but usually have this vaginal discharge and sometimes itches.With my last visit to the hospital i was diagnosed of having fibroid and the docs are insisting that the presence of fibroid can produce discharge. Am not comfortable with their response and don’t know what to do either.

      drnsmusings responded:
      November 9, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      I am not aware that vaginal discharge is a symptom of fibroids. Is this doctor a gynae? Perhaps he has info I don’t . Seek a 2nd opinion from another doctor. If you are sexually active, make sure your partner is diagnosed as well. Cheers

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