Have you heard about IVF? This is an IVF story you will be intrigued by. IVF is short for invitro fertilization. It is a process in which an egg from a woman is fertilized by a sperm from a man artificially and the resulting zygote (baby) implanted into her womb. It is a very expensive, demanding process filled with invasive tests and scans, injections, long waits and there is no guarantee that a pregnancy will result or if it results, that it will be carried till term. That being said, I am a strong advocate for IVF for couples who have tried everything. Rather than consult witches, I think one should try IVF or adopt. If the issue is finance, those relatives who make it their business to ask why babies are not coming should definitely contribute their share( Fat chance!).
On this lovely evening, a lady walked intomy office looking quite rattled. All my smiles were wasted, she wasn’t interested. When I asked what was wrong, she said she had a headache. I checked her blood pressure (bp), trying to get her to open up but she kept shaking her head, tapping her foot and humming. Her bp was normal. Next she said she noticed she had become irritable, losing her temper easily, and shouting at her family members for no reason.
I asked if there was any discord in her marriage, she said no.
Money trouble? No. In-law? No.
“How many children do you have?”, I asked. That was when the dam burst. She had been married for roughly 5 years without any child. With her husband’s support, she had a son through IVF
. “Wonderful!”,I exclaimed. “What a testimony” She went on to say that the boy was 5 years old and she wanted another child but her husbandrefused to go through it again.
“Is it about the cost?” I asked. She said no. He felt 1 was enough.
I saw her husband’s point but she didn’t. She was desperate for a 2nd child. “People snicker when I pass. Neighbours are whispering. He doesn’t understand how I feel. If he loves me, why wont he give me a baby?”
I was praying under my breath because there are some questions that are MCQ and some are essay type. This woman told me she stopped at our hospital because she was driving erratically. Her burdens were weighing her down so much so, she actually considered suicide. I decided to admit her so I would have the opportunity to speak to her husband. When he came to see her, he was non chalant. She turned away from him and he smiled. I took him aside and told him she was suicidal but he felt she was being melodramatic. He showed me the picture of their son and asked me why he needed a 2nd child. The more I entreated him to listen to her, the more reluctant he appeared.
Finally, I told him she was determined to have her way and that her ending up in hospital was a cry for attention. I begged him not to ignore her or she would hit someone with her car the next time.
Friendship, marriage, indeed every partnership, requires negotiation. You need to cultivate the ability to listen to the people you love. Don’t push them to seek attention in harmful ways. I shared this story because people are so selfish these days.
Romans 12:10 “. . . In honour preferring one another” (kjv). We should make it a habit to consider the feelings of others above ours. This man thought his wife was manipulating him and maybe she was but, if you think about it, he had nothing to lose. Is it not better to endure a littleinconvenience than grapple with a suicidal wife?
I’ll love to hear your thoughts. Do you think my advice was wrong? What are your views on infertility and compromise in marriage? Be blessed.