I must marry 2

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I called the girl into my office privately.

“I know you are not comfortable with a scan, but do you mind a pregnancy test? It will end the matter and since we’ll use your blood, you will watch us carry it out. That way, no one can alter the result”, I told her.

She reluctantly agreed. The test was negative. She agreed to a scan, which also revealed a healthy but empty uterus. Her boyfriend’s mom was overjoyed. The man was embarrassed. He sat outside, head in his hands, unable to believe he had been fooled. The girl launched into lamentation, threatening to harm the staff and burn down the hospital.

“You people have connived to deny me the love of my man! Everyone here is a liar!”

Her voice was loud enough to permeate the hospital. Our “security personnel” were even afraid of her. She stayed there for hours, even when the man left with his mom. Finally, she came in confess to the nurse that she did what she did because she loved the man so much, and didn’t want to lose him.

Ladies are doing so many things to snag a man. The men, though less often, also put up some pretences if they really want to fool a girl. I humbly offer my own tips on how to get a good partner. Please disregard if you are deperate.

You need to be the RIGHT partner! Asking God to give you a good man or woman, when you are the opposite is unfair. Be the prize God wants to present to a worthy child of his. Let it be his headache finding a deserving partner, not yours. The problem with this is, you will have to agree with his terms. If he says no sex before marriage and you don’t agree, then stop bothering him. You can have any of his creation who thinks like you. Those men who will not serve God, but are looking for a prayerful sister, think again.

Your time as a single should be spent learning how to forgive, how to listen, how to put another person’s needs 1st, how to lose an argument graciously, how to forget, how to negotiate, how to get along with difficult people and so on. That is character development. You can practice on your friends (male and female), without getting attached to anyone.

It is a waste of time living with a man, cooking for him, washing his clothes, visiting his folk, rather than investing in your character. He will marry a girl who made him wait, or at least, proved she was worth marrying. What is the excitement he should feel, spending millions for a wedding, when he gets the benefits for free? Apply that intelligence that got you a 2:1, and you will agree.

Brothers, you cannot get a godly wife by accepting freebies. How do you know she’s not after your money? Will she be there if things go south? Do you expect her to stop clubbing after marriage? Can she take care of kids, when she squirms at the sight of your nieces with their runny noses? Bedding her will affect your judgement. Soon, all you will remember will be how great “last night” was. You will convince yourself to overlook her inability to lose an argument.

To those who need to inspect the merchandise beforehand, go for it. However, when his or her character doesn’t hold up, you can always comfort yourself with the sex. Don’t mind those who say an unhappy man has low libido, what do they know?.

This is my own prescription. Work on being a great partner, leave it to God to find someone worthy. While you put yourself out there (being friendly and all that), do not compromise. If it seems to be taking a while, it’s because good things don’t come easily. I leave you with Amos 3:3 “Can 2 walk together except they agree?”. Feel free to drop your comments or send a mail to drnsmusings@yahoo.com. With love, Dr. N


24 thoughts on “I must marry 2

    imperfectlyperfect92 said:
    February 9, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    I must confess, your posts have been full of wisdom in recent times and this is no exception..God bless you ma, I couldn’t agree more with the above,i was just nodding my head while reading. thanks for sharing

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 9, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Nodding along withuyou. I take no credit for what I was taught but thanks

    Oyinkansola Yusuf said:
    February 9, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Gbam!! Exactly!!! “You need to be the RIGHT partner! Asking God to give you a good man or woman, when you are the opposite is unfair”
    So true! Afterall, your mate also deserves the RIGHT partner.

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 9, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      And when he finds u, visit talkwedding.wordpress.com o! Lol

        niki said:
        February 9, 2014 at 2:37 pm

        Im so glad you touched on this topic. Thanks for the advice. Your words just has a way, it always resonate with me. Its like we are talking face to face.
        I love love stories. Can i request one about how you and the hubby met?
        Your adopted lil sis 😆

        drnsmusings responded:
        February 9, 2014 at 3:13 pm

        Of course I will share that story. Lol. Just don’t know how to pass it off (considering my posts usually have a medical angle). Lol.. Did I tell u my 1 yr old daughter is your namesake? Haha. Thanks, lil sis.

    niki said:
    February 9, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Awww.. yay! See its destiny. I always assumed u were igbo or is it ur hubby that is yoruba?

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 9, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      I am igbo. Hubby is not yoruba. I’ll keep u guessing

    Gaile said:
    February 9, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Dr N, you really wrote well. I believe God gave you the wisdom. I wish many of my younger friends can read this. Lots of things are happening. Painfully you advise some and they feel you want to put sand in their garri.

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 9, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      Yes o @ sand in their garri. So true

    tenderonii said:
    February 9, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    This is just so instructive and well said. I pray that God opens the eyes of men and women in this light this year in Jesus Name, Amen.
    I back my Frances up as regards your writings. They’ve been a blessing to us. Thank you aunty

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 9, 2014 at 5:58 pm

      To whom much is given…I feel such a sense of responsibility sometimes. Just wish I could win many over. Thanks

    Fola Daniel Adelesi said:
    February 9, 2014 at 9:37 pm

    ‘Please disregard if you’re desperate’ – or married to a good partner already 🙂 That girl is such a clown! Just like Angela in Tinsel with Reginald.

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 9, 2014 at 10:20 pm

      O she would have gotten away with it if not for the nosy mom. She was actually ‘smart’. Probably planned to pretend she had a miscarriage.

    Femmetotale said:
    February 10, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Okay, this story is just hilarious but so true. I should have read this earlier but my internet had been down.
    I don’t even know where to start.
    So many issues keep coming up along this angle.
    Girls are getting more desperate as the days go by.
    Imagine my shock when I saw a post on LIB about girls wearing wedding gowns to Winners’ Chapel Enugu because the pastor said they should come dressed that way if they want to get married.
    How can someone knowingly subject herself to such ridicule biko?
    Me I believe that when a girl subjects herself to such desperation just to get married, she lowers her value in the man’s eyes and after the marriage which mouth will she have to talk when the man starts focusing his attention somewhere else. God’s standard, no matter how archaic it may seem is still the best. It will save you a lot of heartbreak. Let the man do the pursuing and negotiation. He will respect you for it in the long run.
    Nawah oh! Some girls need to take a chill pill please.
    While waiting to be discovered, please work on yourself like Dr. N said and I particularly agree with the part about winning arguments. Hahahahaha…. men love to win arguments a lot. Even when they don’t know what they’re saying, Kai! That’s why I need a man who is more intelligent than me so that I won’t have to stifle my brain just to let him win arguments all the time.

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 10, 2014 at 11:52 am

      Good luck in finding a man more intelligent than u. U wey get 2:1. Lol. Abeg, we r differently gifted o! For instance, he may be artsy n u r into science. Intelligence is subjective. U have to be willing to smile n say “ok dear, u r right n I’m wrong”. Thank me later. Hugs

    jcsgrl said:
    February 10, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Na wa o…the hustle is real to be Mrs Somebody. So things like this still happen? We really need to step up mentoring efforts for our young girls. Inspiring post as always Dr.N. Your words are saving a generation

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 11, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      Ha! I love that movie. Yeah, we need more voices telling ladies there is a better way. Esp male voices. Hint. Thanks

    teamandrew1 said:
    February 18, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    nice post! really good write up from a medic!

      drnsmusings responded:
      February 18, 2014 at 4:57 pm


        teamandrew1 said:
        February 19, 2014 at 10:01 pm

        perhaps i could learnd writing skill from you. you are good

        drnsmusings responded:
        February 20, 2014 at 7:49 am

        That’s a first. Thanks. I learned d little I know by reading

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      February 21, 2014 at 12:07 pm

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