I didn’t want to do a post today, because I feel the valentine issue has been addressed by so many people. While reading an old post, this story came to me and I decided to share it. I would have tagged it hospital comedy, but not everyone will think it’s funny. This is the story of Deacon X and his wife.
I used to belong to a church where Deacon X worshipped. He was a powerful man of God. His prayers shook the roof. People invited him to conduct deliverance and such prayers in their villages and ancestral homes. He made a modest living from these prayer excursions. We became family friends because, he approached my mother (who visited occasionally from her more conservative church), in the parking lot. After introducing himself, he told her God directed him to her to help him out financially. She invited him home. He came with a long list of items his in -laws asked him to procure for his upcoming wedding. My mother was shocked at the 4 page list. She gave him what she could and he fell prostrate on the floor to thank her. Later we heard how he handled the in-laws who insisted that he did not bring all they demanded. He held the hand of one of them, looked into his eyes, and muttered some prayers. The guy had a rethink. Lol
Anyway, we took part in the white wedding. I remember 1 of my sisters was on the bridal train. My mom remarked privately, that she was surprised his wife looked much older, but that he seemed genuinely excited. Shortly after, they had a daughter. I remember each time we asked about his wife, he would launch into a long tale of how wonderful she was. “My princess”, he called her, and we would laugh with him. We thought they were very happy.
One day, he showed up with a bleeding gash on his head. That was when the story unravelled. It turns out, he had declared a fast in order to pray for some people, as was his custom. Wifey was having none of that. She locked the room and refused to let him pray as usual.
“That is not why I married you! Every day prayer! Today you must do your duty”
He pleaded that he needed time to consecrate himself and pray. Casting out devils is not a mean feat, I tell you. Princess said No! Undress now, it’s my time. A scuffle ensued. I assume he tried to leave the room (fleeing temptation), she grabbed a heavy padlock and bashed his head. That was the end of the marriage. Last I heard, Deacon X took a job in administration, princess was on her own, and daughter was doing fine.
What is the moral of the story? Sexual compatibility! When I read of women complaining of ‘marital rape’ (some would argue that it does not exist), and such other problems, I wonder. You see, courtship is the time to ask every question. What are your expectations? What is an absolute no no? Christians should have the advantage because if they abstain, they have all the time on their hands to dot their Is and cross their Ts. However, this is not the case.
A lady says, “I can’t possibly ask him to wait! He will go outside” Then why do you expect him to be patient when you are too pregnant to be a tiger in bed?
“She needs to know I am a man?”, you say. When you travel for a course, note that your driver will also show her that he is a man! Your spouse needs to agree with you.
I don’t claim to be a relationship expert, but patients keep turning up in hospital with problems that could have been prevented. A man who is into porn is not husband material, I am sorry to say. Keep searching, sister. He will expect you to hang your holy butt from a pole and worse. Can you keep up? You, dear brother, enticed by her tight clothing, don’t ask her to change after marriage. She will put up a fight.
Let me give you time to mull things over. I hope you spend your valentine celebrating worthy people. Put a smile on the face of someone who cannot repay. And for those in a relationship, don’t forget to write your thoughts. These days letter writing is old school but, I know everyone likes to read a love letter, text, or instant message. Signing off, Dr. N.
And before I forget, Happy Valentine’s