Many people do not believe that men can also be victims of domestic violence. I remembered this story because I read a comment on a blog, where someone complained of her uncle being a victim. Though less common, I must chip in, that men need not be so ashamed that they put up with such treatment. A young man of 20 to 22 years was brought in by a screaming woman. He was lethargic, so it was up to her to tell us what was wrong. She was busy shouting at an unknown person, and ranting. When I could not get anything reasonable from her, I looked at the boy, and saw he had a blood stain on his boxers. That was all he was wearing. Obviously, he was even too shy to point out the injury. (Being treated by a lady is not always easy. Sometimes, I let a male colleague get them to relax 1st. That day, I was alone).
He had a bleeding cut on his penis. The young man was a baker, who lived in a 1 room apartment with his lover. She got angry with him that night over who-knows-what, and attacked him. Perhaps, she suspected he was cheating on her, so she decided to maim the instrument of contention. How her teeth got there, I don’t know. She proceeded to bite the living daylights out of him. His screams alerted the neighbours, who applied first aid and called his sister. We had to suture the cut. This was a harrowing experience for both of us. I was single and naive. Certainly, my 1st few encounters with that part of the male organ, were turning out to be unpleasant. He was ashamed of himself. The nurses and his sisters were not helping matters. Scolding him loudly, for not being man enough. I wondered why he did not notice her intentions early enough. Soon, the procedure was done. Note, “Lord, send such cases to other doctors, please”.
I advised his sister to assist him during his recuperation as it would be an ideal time for lover girl to move in and continue her torture. Also, I told him he didn’t need a live in lover at that age, and earning peanuts. What would be left for him to save after buying all she needed? I hear you wondering how a man can be so weak? Some men grew up without a father figure. Either their mother raised them alone, or their father was under their mother. Some of such men will never have the strength men usually have. They either become bullies, or are easy to bully.
The other day, I went to pick my 3 year old son from school. His teachers asked me, ” Are you Superstar’s mother?” I laughed and said yes. He has the habit of referring to himself as “Superstars”. Note the use of the plural form. Somehow, he believes the singular is not as powerful. A few months ago, I went to pick him and this little girl ran up and introduced herself
“Are you X’s mum? I’m his best friend”, she quipped.
I was surprised as he had never mentioned her. He frowned at her and firmly stated, ” You are not my best friend!”
I was embarrassed and tried to get him to apologise but he refused. Later, I asked his teacher about the incident. You see, he was 1 of the youngest in his class at the start of the term. I worried he would be bullied initially. She laughed and told me the girl was very domineering and was fond of forcing everyone to be her best friend. Not surprisingly, my son wasn’t interested.
What is my point? I doubt such a confident child will be a victim of domestic violence. Let us be careful to find worthy male role models for our sons, if their fathers chicken out. A pastor, uncle, e.t.c. can serve. If you are a man, and a lady abuses you,walk away and consider ending things. You may react in anger and end up harming her. Or, she may graduate to physical violence. Women have also been known to hire thugs to deal with men. Do your best not to provoke a lady. At the same time, do not be ashamed to cry for help. Find a mature man who will not laugh at you, but will help you. Do not, because she gives you money, food,shelter or sex, put up with dehumanising treatment. You are precious to God, and we need you alive. Cheers