One day, I attended a meeting with some ladies. In the process of our discussion, I made a remark about how women were opting to have children out of wedlock. The next time we met, someone pointed out to me, that a lady who had been in attendance, was a single mother. She was absent from this 2nd meeting. I immediately tried to recall my words, to determine if they had been unkind. Alas, I could not remember them. Even if I could, I could not take them back.
Words are difficult to reverse. I share this because we find it so easy to judge others for sins we may also be gulity of. The other day, someone mentioned homosexuality on facebook and asked if it was right to support gay rights. I have no interest in gay rights, as we all know the bible’s opinion on the act itself. However, if I am sleeping with a man I am not married to, what gives me the right to judge a homosexual?That is the crux of my post, today.
We are quick to shoot off our opinions about others. Are we secretly doing the same or worse? During my NYSC (Read my post ‘Eat that Frog’), I was called to see a woman rushed in with a laceration on her upper lip. She was moaning in pain, surrounded by the staff, who were pressing some gauze to minimize the bleeding. When I examined her, I found that it was quite deep and had left a portion of her lip almost detached.
Guess what happened? She was having an affair with a married man. His wife accosted her in the market place to demand that she end the affair. Of course, she showered her with abuses. Well, the lady proceeded to push her to the floor and pummel her with blows! Dear muse, do not get into a fight with a village woman, particularly one from Niger Delta! They have huge biceps from farming and fishing. Your life may never remain the same!
During the course of the altercation, the wife proceeded to bite off my patient’s lip. I guess the onlookers sympatized with the offended woman, since they did not attempt to separate them. However, when blood started flowing, they rushed the victim to the hospital. I was suturing the cut while the story was being narrated.
Expecting the wise ladies who worked with me, to berate her, I worked silently. To my amazement, they blamed the other lady.
“Why would she attack you publicly like that?”, one asked.
“I can’t fight over a man!”, another exclaimed.
“Rubbish! Does he belong to 1 woman? He has the right to get what she is not giving him elsewhere! ”
I was shocked. Then I realized one of my staff (who I will not describe but will name Q), was the loudest voice. She was laughing and gisting and gesticulating, while assisting me. Q was in her late 40s to 50s, married with grown children. Her husband and kids lived elsewhere and she lived alone in the village, working in the health centre.
She had a married man as a boyfriend. In fact, the 1st day he came to see her, I greeted him respectfully, thinking he was her husband. Later, the local radio (gossips), told me he was not. Every other Friday, he arrived with gifts to spend the weekend. An ungainly man in his 50s, with an abdomen so rotund, I pitied the motor bikes that brought him. He was neither handsome nor rich. I really wondered what attracted them to each other. As she went on mouthing what she would have done if so attacked, I watched her in amazement.
She felt so smug that her lover’s wife would never find out about her, or would be afraid to come to another village to attack her. Imagine how small people can be! I heard that the man’s wife was suffering neglect because of the control Q exerted on her husband. He even showed up on valentine’s day with a huge chunk of meat! What! The cheek of it! And she would convince anyone of how religious she was.
Dear muse, let us remove the specks in our eyes before discussing the planks in other eyes. If I abort my own babies, who am I to mock a single mother? At least, she owned up to her deeds. If I tell lies, who am I to blame the government for spinning stories to make themselves look good? If I wear so much make up that I am unrecognisable without it, why would I blame the guy who deceived me into believing he owns houses in Denmark, when he can barely feed? We must stop it with the double standards.
Do we condone evil? No! But we overcome evil with good. Cheers, Dr. N.