A Bite and An Affair.

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One day, I attended a meeting with some ladies. In the process of our discussion, I made a remark about how women were opting to have children out of wedlock. The next time we met, someone pointed out to me, that a lady who had been in attendance, was a single mother. She was absent from this 2nd meeting. I immediately tried to recall my words, to determine if they had been unkind. Alas, I could not remember them. Even if I could, I could not take them back.

Words are difficult to reverse. I share this because we find it so easy to judge others for sins we may also be gulity of. The other day, someone mentioned homosexuality on facebook and asked if it was right to support gay rights. I have no interest in gay rights, as we all know the bible’s opinion on the act itself. However, if I am sleeping with a man I am not married to, what gives me the right to judge a homosexual?That is the crux of my post, today.

We are quick to shoot off our opinions about others. Are we secretly doing the same or worse? During my NYSC (Read my post ‘Eat that Frog’), I was called to see a woman rushed in with a laceration on her upper lip. She was moaning in pain, surrounded by the staff, who were pressing some gauze to minimize the bleeding. When I examined her, I found that it was quite deep and had left a portion of her lip almost detached.

Guess what happened? She was having an affair with a married man. His wife accosted her in the market place to demand that she end the affair. Of course, she showered her with abuses. Well, the lady proceeded to push her to the floor and pummel her with blows! Dear muse, do not get into a fight with a village woman, particularly one from Niger Delta! They have huge biceps from farming and fishing. Your life may never remain the same!
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During the course of the altercation, the wife proceeded to bite off my patient’s lip. I guess the onlookers sympatized with the offended woman, since they did not attempt to separate them. However, when blood started flowing, they rushed the victim to the hospital. I was suturing the cut while the story was being narrated.

Expecting the wise ladies who worked with me, to berate her, I worked silently. To my amazement, they blamed the other lady.

“Why would she attack you publicly like that?”, one asked.

“I can’t fight over a man!”, another exclaimed.

“Rubbish! Does he belong to 1 woman? He has the right to get what she is not giving him elsewhere! ”

I was shocked. Then I realized one of my staff (who I will not describe but will name Q), was the loudest voice. She was laughing and gisting and gesticulating, while assisting me. Q was in her late 40s to 50s, married with grown children. Her husband and kids lived elsewhere and she lived alone in the village, working in the health centre.

She had a married man as a boyfriend. In fact, the 1st day he came to see her, I greeted him respectfully, thinking he was her husband. Later, the local radio (gossips), told me he was not. Every other Friday, he arrived with gifts to spend the weekend. An ungainly man in his 50s, with an abdomen so rotund, I pitied the motor bikes that brought him. He was neither handsome nor rich. I really wondered what attracted them to each other. As she went on mouthing what she would have done if so attacked, I watched her in amazement.

She felt so smug that her lover’s wife would never find out about her, or would be afraid to come to another village to attack her. Imagine how small people can be! I heard that the man’s wife was suffering neglect because of the control Q exerted on her husband. He even showed up on valentine’s day with a huge chunk of meat! What! The cheek of it! And she would convince anyone of how religious she was.

Dear muse, let us remove the specks in our eyes before discussing the planks in other eyes. If I abort my own babies, who am I to mock a single mother? At least, she owned up to her deeds. If I tell lies, who am I to blame the government for spinning stories to make themselves look good? If I wear so much make up that I am unrecognisable without it, why would I blame the guy who deceived me into believing he owns houses in Denmark, when he can barely feed? We must stop it with the double standards.

Do we condone evil? No! But we overcome evil with good. Cheers, Dr. N.

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16 thoughts on “A Bite and An Affair.

    maryj01 said:
    April 28, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    Well said dr N…… Meanwhile, am loving Cords of Love o. Welldone!!!

    naijawife said:
    April 28, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    My favorite part was “If I tell lies, who am I to blame the government for spinning stories to make themselves look good?”
    During the abuja bombing aftermath, a lot of people on social media blamed the government for not acting remorseful enough. Then shortly afterwards, resumed their tweeting on celebrities, fashion and other such topics. It made me wonder, “are we ourselves showing enough remorse? Must we wait for the govt before we act like we are mourning as well?”

    On the flip side – during the whole Big Brother Africa and its nudity and public sex scandals. So many people justified it saying things like “why should we criticize people for having sex on TV? some of you are making sex videos yourself!”

    I can’t follow that kind of logic. First of all, just because someone criticizes something doesn’t mean they’re doing worse. Even if they are doing worse, does that mean they have to keep silent all the time? If no one is allowed to talk because they might be doing something worse or just as bad, then no one in this world would be allowed to talk at all. We should condemn lies and crimes by both citizenry AND the government. Not zip our lips at either situation for fear of being called a hypocrite.

    If you think about it, in the eyes of God all sin is the same. So if someone who has told lies before, criticizes a Rapist, should we say the liar isn’t allowed to criticize the rapist because the liar is also a sinner? Surely not. There has to be a balance somewhere right? Between saying no one should talk and saying everyone is free to judge?

      drnsmusings responded:
      April 28, 2014 at 8:28 pm

      Certainly, confronting evil is not d same as judging. If no one speaks up, how will change come? We should only speak from a place of compassion. #just saying

    Oyinkansola Yusuf said:
    April 28, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    “If I wear so much make up that I am unrecognisable without it, why would I blame the guy who deceived me into believing he owns houses in Denmark, when he can barely feed?” Lol!
    But seriously, we need to sit and think of our commas, then correct them before we begin to judge others
    talkwedding.wordpress.com

      drnsmusings responded:
      April 28, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      Yeah, right? But with contouring, some babes are actually unrecognisable. Lol

    Charles Williams said:
    April 28, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Our paths certainly crossed on the soil of Niger-Delta. I have met the woman even in her younger years and I can relate to this post on that level…
    Well, that’s for that, I can’t comment any further because this post stings off my bumbum too…

      drnsmusings responded:
      April 28, 2014 at 9:53 pm

      Ha! Charles, stings ke? I need the full gist. Lol

    dnddyon said:
    April 29, 2014 at 1:07 am

    “We should overcome evil with good”- I think this sums it up…
    Sometimes good may be to talk or not to talk, to act or not to act etc.
    The most important thing is to recognise what is the GOOD thing to do in any ‘evil(or bad) situation and follow it… It usually turns out to be the right thing to do…

    ABC days of being a mom said:
    April 29, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    hmm…. quite true, remove the specks before trying to remove the logs. I am one person who has made mistakes that should not be condoned and God has forgiven me and I have been sorely corrected by men both compassionately and “condemnly” :). However, I am learning that as a spiritual person, we must speak as the Lord requires we do(even though what we say may be hard for many to swallow). Paul rebuked Peter for segregating yet same Paul was sent as a vessel of LOVE to the Gentiles. He didn’t allow sin lurk around the churches he planted, people were suspended and restored, rebuked and also really embraced in love. I trust God we as God’s people know when and how to correct or speak up on the ills/evil in our day.

    Pls let me add, one thing we are always quick to say especially when we justify wrong is “Dont judge, you are not God” but God has called us in this day to speak vehemently against sin and as we speak(in love) our lights must keep shinning oh so the world will see. Well done

      drnsmusings responded:
      April 29, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      Yes, pple say that but d bible says we will judge d earth. Go figure

    niki said:
    April 30, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    Hmmm. This matter is something i think about aswell as conviction. People get different convictions and as paul said if you feel convicted and still commit an act its a sin. If u dont feel convicted and commit the act its not a sin. I think that probs work for the grey areas. But as somethings are clearly stated we should try to adhere to it and always check our heart. We should pray to see with the eyes of God so we can deal with situations appropriately. Because we will get judged on individual basis.

    Christain chic. said:
    May 26, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Hmmmm deep,luv this post.great job Dr n.i will b bk

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