Unequally yoked

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My post “You flatter me”, reminded me of this story. This man was a CEO and an old patient of a hospital I worked in years ago. It was my first time meeting him though. He was brought in by the trembling ‘Mrs. Know it all’. Do read that post if you haven’t. I was surprised someone could make her cower. She was usually on her A game.

He was pleasant enough, as we got chatting about his health. That was before his phone rang. I could make out some of the conversation.

“Hello, let me call you back”, he said.

I don’t know what the caller must have said.

“I’ll call you back. I’m in the hospital”, he said.

“What! Are you sick?”, she asked.

“It’s just a routine visit”
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“Which hospital? Let me come and see you. Do I cook pepper soup for you? ”

“I said I’m talking to the doctor. You don’t need to come”

The caller kept offering to come till he snapped at her and ended the call.

“Doctor, why are girls so desperate these days?” he asked me angrily.

“I don’t understand”, I replied innocently.

“This is a girl I met in a club. I can’t even remember her clearly. She has been on my case’

I cluck my tongue sympathetically.

“No, really, what is happening to ladies? Can’t they just get a job like you and stop looking for a meal ticket?”

I laughed. “I feel she was being caring”, I offered tongue in cheek.

“Caring? I tell you, I have had it up to my ears with these girls. I don’t know how they get my number. Some even trace my house”

“You can’t blame them. See the kind of car you drive”, I smile.

I tell you, the man was drop dead gorgeous. Tall, dark, very handsome (not as handsome as my husband but a close 2nd. Lol). Do you blame the ladies for going babanas? Company CEO, mid thirties, suave, and courteous. What more could you ask for.

“I can’t imagine you behaving like that”, he snapped, still irritated.

“But I’m married. Do you know how I behaved when single?”, I tease.

“No, it’s not possible. At this rate, I will never get married. These girls are vicious”

His phone rang again. “You see? It’s the same number”, he said as he answered it.

“Hello. Yes, I’m still there. No, you can’t come. I’ll call you when I leave. Stop calling”

By now, I was laughing out loud. This girl was not playing!

“Doc, don’t you have younger sisters?”

“I have 3”

“How old are they? Are they doctors too?”

“One is an Engineer, who is engaged. The other is a lawyer. And the 3rd just got into the university”

“Does the lawyer look like you? ”

“She’s the prettiest of us all and she’s taller than I am”, I answer, rubbing it in.

“Give me her number. I think she’s going to be like you. I need a good girl”

I laugh like he is joking, though I know he isn’t.

“Seriously, I need her number”

“No, I will not give you her number. If you meet her somewhere, great. But, I will not play matchmaker, except I can vouch for you”

He spent more time arguing, pleading, and bargaining. In fact, he refused to leave till the nurse came in to throw him out, as patients were waiting.

“Why won’t you just give me her number? I’m a nice guy”

“Forgive me. I want more for her”, I stood to walk him to the door.

“What! You are pregnant? “, he exclaimed.

He was just noticing that I was pregnant with my first son. I laughed.

“I couldn’t tell while you were sitting down. Most pregnant women look disfigured. How come you are not? ”

I shake my head with more laughter.

“Now, I’m really dying to meet your sister”

I shoo him out while he continues to state his case. He promises to return the next day to resume the pleading and I laugh. Later, I told my sister what happened. Of course she asks why I didn’t give him her number. By now, you are also wondering why. The simple reason is that he was not born again. You may be the nicest, gentlest, handsomest, richest guy but, if you love not my Jesus, I cannot connect you to anyone I love.

Many Christians, male and female, flirt with unbelievers. We believe we can control them, convert them, change them, etc. Before long, we are sucked into their lifestyle. That is when you begin to hear excuses like

“All these born again people are worse than unbelievers!”

“I prefer unbelievers. They don’t deceive you”

How many girls have married a poor unbeliever? How many men have married an unbelieving girl who was not pretty and came with no family connections? Let’s call a spade a spade. They are great as colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances, etc. They are not for intimacy. Do not even start. If all your secrets, and intimate thoughts are for them, I believe you are on a slippery slope.

Not only in marriage but certain business partnerships, relationships and so on, are better within the kingdom. Yes, Christians who are immature, can hurt you (ask Jesus what Judas did to him). That should not turn you off. Just believe God for a kingdom relationship.

Another thing is that I believe a woman should have no competition in her man’s life. For me to put my dear sister in a situation where she is one of many rather than the only, does not work for me. Wouldn’t those girls come after her? Could she tolerate his ego? This “oga”, who is used to girls falling all over him? Eish! I cringed to think of my sister trembling at the sound of his voice.

One of my friends dated someone like that. He calls her on phone and shouts, “Be here in 30 minutes, or it’s over!” She leaves everything and dashes to his house in fear. No matter how friendly the cub and the deer are, when he becomes a lion, the deer will change from friend to food.

So, what do you think? Guys, do you think ladies are becoming too forward? Ladies, should I have connected them? What would you do, in my shoes?

Cheers, Dr. N


36 thoughts on “Unequally yoked

    adefunke62 said:
    May 24, 2014 at 3:40 am

    Relationship stuff is actually a matter of ‘choosing ur choice’ I dnt matchmake, nd I neva plan 2 do it, ladies r jst too desperate somtyms dts y they somhow gets in2 wrong hands. U did wel by nt giving out ur sister’s no, I dnt and I can’t share my fiance nt 2 talk of husband, nah.

    Ud said:
    May 24, 2014 at 3:52 am

    “You may be the nicest, gentlest, handsomest, richest guy but, if you love not my Jesus, I cannot connect you to anyone I love” — I love this! “Be not unequally yoked” is the most important counsel that anyone can give to a Christian woman seeking a spouse. I thank God that I learned it early enough and was able to look to God for a God-given God fearing spouse. Through the years, I have repeatedly seen why this was an important commandment to have kept.
    I am glad that you’re sharing this truth here. I pray that many young women will be saved from making the mistake of being unequally yoked and thereby stand the chance of enjoying fulfilling marriages. May God bless and continue to use you for His glory.

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 24, 2014 at 9:18 am

      Thank u very much n nice to meet u

    naijawife said:
    May 24, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    “They are not for intimacy”…my dear you have said it all. I can’t even add anything on top 🙂

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 25, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      Ha! Speechless for once? E hugs

    Feyi's Dairy said:
    May 25, 2014 at 3:45 am

    Dr N I totally agree with you, I would have done the same in that situation. I wouldn’t ‘hook up’ my sister with a guy who isn’t born again. In fact that’s the deal breaker for me.

    About girls being too forward, yes ohhh these days girls are not smiling, they’ll do anything to land a rich guy.

    Femmetotale said:
    May 25, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    This Dr. N eh!
    If I were ur sis, I would have vexed with u
    for not hooking me up with such a handsome and rich guy 😀
    Femmetotale or not….. hahahahaha
    But seriously ur right. No girl should have to compete with other girls
    For a man’s love. The girl is the “trophy” that should be sought for not the man.
    Your sis is better off with a man who will treasure her. I hope she’s that wise.
    Good job!

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 25, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      Hope so too, Cheers

        E' said:
        July 22, 2015 at 9:34 am

        Just negodu these nwanne abuo a lol

        drnsmusings responded:
        July 22, 2015 at 4:23 pm


    niki said:
    May 25, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Well i think you did the right thing. If your sis was at the hospital that day then she could have decided. One question: Do u trust her choice of a partner?

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 25, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      Sure. Because I would have scattered things in prayer if I sensed trouble. Lol

    Anonymous Chick said:
    May 26, 2014 at 5:59 am

    Lol @ “Give me her number. I think she’s going to be like you. I need a good girl” – truth is almost every man bornagain or not is looking for a good girl as wife and as he rightly said – a lot of girls nowadays are vicious.

    In answer to your question as to whether ladies are now too forward – ha! Ladies are now extra forward oh! I can’t even shout. The boldness of some women will make you shudder, no shame on their part as to what levels they will go in seeking a husband. A popular RCCG pastor in London lost his beloved wife and when he announced his remarriage to his Congregational; that is how one ‘sister’ got up and started shouting that no oh! she was his wife, that God told her so… as in right in the middle of the whole church oh. Some chicks ehn! No words.

    As per that guy, I’m sure you knew best what was best for your sister. However I’m sure you’ll hook her up with a guy if you knew that he had sound relationship with Jesus. Personally, I looove matchmaking people 🙂

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 26, 2014 at 8:05 am

      The RCCG Pator must have blushed, lol.
      Yeah, I wld not hesitate if d guy was born again. In fact, I stop myself from asking guys for their contact for my single friends, lol. Too forwrd.

    ABC days of being a mom said:
    May 26, 2014 at 7:08 am

    I commented earlier on your fb link and as i said squares and circles can NEVER connect. We must be very wise in all our relationships as you mentioned business wise, marriage and friends. Thanks for sharing.

    preshigwe said:
    May 26, 2014 at 9:02 am

    I absolutely,totally ,wholly,utterly agree with this post and the following. if you aren’t saved then its a no go area for me or my sisters.
    As for match making,if the guy in question is a great catch and knows his onions in God.. I won’t mind sha but I’ll have my boundary.
    As for ladies being too forward now a days…God will help us,waiting could be hard.Kudos Dr N.

    Fola Daniel Adelesi said:
    May 27, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    That must have been how he asked for the other girl’s number and is now shouting at her

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 27, 2014 at 4:37 pm

      Abi? I didn’t even think of dt

    jcsgrl said:
    May 27, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    My dear while I agree that being born again is a prerequisite for a christian marriage, however it should not be the only thing. There are people who claim to be born again who are just not mature. I’ve seen countless fall victim to the born again brothers only to be verbally and physically abused or they are not attracted to each other OR the guy believes in “faithing” everything instead of putting in some work. So if your born again does not translate to how you live your life and treat people, then you dont cut it as a life partner either.

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 27, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      Gbam! Hence mypost “How to choose a husbannd”. Was simply citing why I didn’t give out my sister’s no.

    diademstots said:
    May 28, 2014 at 10:27 am

    You said it all and you were right not to give him her no.This is a rule I made for myself, if I cannot date a man because he is an unbeliever or “spiritually immature” then It would be wrong to link him up with any of my single loved ones. I, ve had many of my “charming” unbelieving single male friends tell me you are just not nice I go to church and all. I hold my ground and tell them nope I’m not giving you her no. It doesn’t matter how much they pester me I just tell them off. I made this a rule after making a mistake of giving one of such men a friend, s no. He had pestered me a lot and I felt my girlfriend would clearly see he was not grounded in christ and tell him off herself then I can have peace.imagine my shock when she not only fell inlove with him, she agreed to date him. I dropped every hint I could even telling her about his past and present to let her see this was not her man. Dr N my girl said she has prayed and was sure he was the one.
    What was I to say to that lest I become the clog in the will of her “answered prayers” I could only pray to God to open her eyes before she got hurt or make huge mistakes that would affect her spiritually. To cut this short , the relationship after about a year turned into a source of pain for her yet she kept clinging to it because she didn’t want to be single after telling everyone she was getting married (even though the man was saying he wasn, t getting married anytime soon). He later broke up with her and it was a terrible heartbreak. Though she was hurt I still thank God for saving her from being unequally yoked.

      drnsmusings responded:
      May 28, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      Terrible story! This prayer sef! If he was nit handsome n rich, d answer would have been different

        diademstots said:
        May 28, 2014 at 8:14 pm

        I feel so too, definitely clouded her judgement.

    dewunmi said:
    June 1, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    i love your posts, so very much. God bless you

    Tito Tobi said:
    June 3, 2014 at 10:24 am

    Are girls too forward? I think not. An age comes for them when they get quite ”unmarkettable”.I’m totally single but if I get to 30 and I need a lady, I won’t go for any girl above 25.
    I think good christian girls like the naughtiness of unbelievers. Ever heard that good girls love bad guys and stuff like that….I see it happen everytime. My first relationship broke up cos the girls friend tot it was 9ce of her to date the SUG president.They both shared him at the end(and both of them were leading choristers in church).It’s all an issue of choice.No hard feelings but born-again girls(especially the bible-wielding ones) are not for me.I’m born-again too but you’ll find there’s more practicality in faith outside the ”modern” church. That’s why more young christian men get married at the right time and the christian ladies just keep being in church and doing side runs.

      drnsmusings responded:
      June 3, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      By their fruit u shall know them. Weilding a bible or singing in d choir is not a criteria for marriage. The Lord knows those who are His and let everyone who bears his name depart from iniquity

    tenderonii said:
    June 9, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    I totally agree with you ma,..every action you took. I pray people begin to see themselves the way God sees them,..then they would by themselves do wat God wants for them. Peace of mind is easy. Just being at the right place at the right time,..May God’s wisdom Guide us all, as we yield to His wisdom. Thanks ma for this…muah

    blogaddict said:
    June 21, 2014 at 10:19 am

    You are so right. But for people like me who have a natural problem with sitting back and trusting things to work out well that ain’t easy, I love God I so want to pls Him but my dear is not easy, I broke up with my boyfriend cos I can’t have sex with him but a times I feel maybe I made a wrong choice, I know it is not but when u have a stupid heart like mine, letting go and waiting for Mr godly to arrive can be very difficult. Thanks though!

      drnsmusings responded:
      June 21, 2014 at 10:31 am

      You don’t have a stupid heart. I beg to differ. Stupidity would be giving in. Till Mr. Right comes, u will have many moments of doubt. We aall have a problem trusting, don’t believe d hype. Hugs

    livelytwist said:
    August 13, 2014 at 6:26 pm

    “Be here in 30 minutes, or it’s over!”
    No one should have to answer to this, except to say, “It’s over!”

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