Yes, I’m talking about the forbidden fruit today. It breaks my heart to read letters sent to blogs by purported virgins, asking if their decision to wait is right. Some ask if the 1st time will be painful, others ask if waiting till over 25 years is unhealthy. Whether virginity is for men, or sex will ever be fulfilling for them are other questions. They seek answers from people who are in and out of strange beds every night. What an error!
I write this to everyone who has made the decision to wait. Both primary and secondary virgins (those now abstaining after a previous experience). For those outside this category, I’m sorry to bore you. Please carry on with your lifestyle. I only ask that just as we love you, warts and all, you accept the choice we have made, graciously.
When I was a medical student, one very unpopular resident doctor was making a presentation during a grand ward round. I don’t remember the topic.All I remember is a statement he made about a patient.
“She is still a virgin at 25, which is not healthy for her”
A gasp went out from the gathering. We had professors, consultants, and all manner of doctors of every age there.
“Dr. Silly, where did you get your information? “, his superior asked.
“From the internet, sir”
“What website? Are you quoting a research we have not heard about?”
“Sir, it’s on the internet. All I know is that it’s not good to be a virgin at that age”, he insisted.
Despite all corrections, do you know he remained unconvinced? I know several men who waited for the right time. They are purposeful, driven, focused, powerful men. That sexual energy is channelled into their work. You don’t want to bid for a job with them, cause while you are in bed with prostitutes, they are up preparing. Also, their prayers are very powerful.
My dear, demons tremble at the voice of a man who can obey God in this area that has made many stumble. They place a demand on God by their obedience and He loves them specially. Not that they cannot sin by lying or something but, this particular obedience makes them God’s favourites. Having conquered this area, it is easier for them to yield any other area of their lives to God, most times. This is not a hard and fast rule but, I believe, it takes a lot of submission to God. Look at the myriad of avenues for temptation: Girls of easy virtue, porn, opportunities for contracts from women bosses, e.t.c. It will require them drawing God’s energy to say No and be happy about that decision.
I just love the confidence of men who wait. Their swagger is out of this world. One of my cousins who waited till he got married in his 30s, is one of the most confident men I know. There is this power that comes from knowing that no one can call you to say “I’m pregnant; what do we do?” Lol
Ladies, the decision to wait must be as an offering to God. You cannot remain a virgin for fear of STDs, pregnancy, or heartbreak. The devil will give you good reason to fall, just as he convinced Eve. It has to be because of the love you have for God. Like some married women would say “I love my husband too much to cheat on him”. If you love Jesus, He will know.
What do we do with sexual desires? We celebrate them! Thank God you are not frigid. If you are single and waiting, when the desires spring up, you burst into thanksgiving. Thank God that you will not need to pray for your husband to arouse you. I must mention that the Holy Spirit was given to empower us to obey God. Trying to abstain in your own power is setting yourself up for failure. Why do you think people say it’s impossible? Of course it is, on your own. It’s just like taking a maths exam without a calculator.
I read a man’s story on a blog of how his wife had to be sedated for them to have sex, once a month. Whaaaaat! No! This is not the will of God for us. We do not feel repulsed by sex. It is not dirty, or sinful. It is just something we give up in worship of our God. Ladies, this must be your mind set. Sex is great, just not now. Do you get it? Ice cream is great, just not for those trying to lose weight.
When you meet the right man, you need to open up your heart slowly to the idea that God has authorised him to receive the jewels you have been keeping for Him. Slowly, as the wedding approaches, you see him as a priest who receives the offering. Just as the Israelites gave their precious sheep and doves to the priests to burn and even eat, but believed it was God who got the glory. So I honour God and my husband with my body. If I lie there stiff as a board, muttering “Blood of Jesus”, the guy will be turned off. Soon, we will need a marriage counsellor. Rather, I let go with reckless abandon, just as I scream and dance in church, so both he and Jehovah are excited. Let’s be real ladies, it takes 2.
For men, you need to learn how to make your wife ask for more. The same way you denied yourself for years, so you must deny yourself in the marriage bed till she is satisfied. No 2 minute men in the kingdom, please. The bible says, “Dwell with her according to knowledge” You need skill to make sex great and the Holy spirit is the best teacher I know. Don’t let Johnny from the office teach you things that only work on prostitutes. She is a queen, learn her own rhythm.
Great sex, is marital sex. It comes guilt-free, with no secrecy, no consequences, and no judgement. You have no one to compare each other to. It refreshes and rejuvenates. This is what I was taught by my mentor. She said. “Sex is not a favor to your husband, it refreshes you, so get enthusiastic. It will keep you young and healthy, and make your marriage stronger and more intimate” When I saw the way her husband looks at her (at their age), I accepted her advice. The man is enamoured with her.
So, I am not an authority on sex but, if you love Jesus, take my word for it. “No good thing will he withhold from you who are upright in heart” For the married, please keep the worship service going. You will never regret it. Cheers, Dr. N. For questions on the Holy Spirit, read my post “Radio Signals”. You can send me an email via email@example.com
Note: I hope you get my point. There is honour in waiting. When married, sex is a blessing, not a bargaining chip. It gets better over the years and God is actually interested in your sex life. Please seek counsel if there are deeper problems rather than let the devil destroy your marriage.