Adire 33

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Chapter 18.

Regina was at a counselling session with Sis. Emma, a 55year old widow and retired school principal. Sis. Emma had lost her husband to cancer at age 40 and never remarried. Having raised 3 children alone, she went back to school to obtain certification in counselling and psychotherapy. Though she had a private therapy practice in partnership with a wellness organisation, she also volunteered in church.

She was kind and wise and patient. It took almost 2 months but Regina was finally opening up to her.

“So, did you do your assignment? “, Sis. Emma asked.

“Yes”, Regina replied, handing her a print out.

“Great”, Emma accepted it and began to read through.

They were seated in sofa chairs in a small lounge which the church had given them for their sessions. Regina had had 2 weeks with Pastor Shedrack and his wife, another 2 with Pastor Ekpiken and now Sis. Emma would wrap it up. They discussed topics like God’s opinion on sex, Waiting for Mr. Right, Boundaries, Types of love,and so on.

The sessions were interactive and detailed. She was encouraged to voice all her concerns. Finally, she opened up about her recurrent nightmares. Everyone had the same question.

“Why haven’t you ever told us about this?”

To which she replied that a pastor had used it against her so, she clammed up. Sis. Emma had to trace the root of her insecurities to her childhood. Regina was raised to be independent and strong. She was the 1st of 5 girls and was like the son her father never had. After the relationship that led to a pregnancy and abortion, she internalised the hurt. Even worse was the issue of the pastor who developed cold feet after she told him of her abortion. She blamed herself for letting any man behind her wall and put them right back up.

With Magnus, Sis. Emma concluded that Regina let down her guard because he was married. Since he was technically out of bounds, she could befriend him without having to fall in love with him. Unfortunately, as it always happens, love came calling. Now, the thought of letting him go was unbearable. He had become her emotional crutch. She felt breathless if she didn’t speak with him for 24 hours. Her chest would tighten and she would feel her stomach getting queasy. It was that bad.

“I see you did a good job with the assignment I gave you”, Sis Emma raised her head and smiled.

“Thank you”, she replied.

“Let’s discuss it. Who is a husband?”

“Like I wrote, a husband is a man, entrusted with the legal and exclusive responsibility of caring for a woman for the rest of his life”, Regina answered.

“Good. I like that”, Sis. Emma smiled and rubbed her hands. “As daughters of the king, we do not marry anyhow. We are royalty. That means that our marriage comes with ramifications. Whoever we marry hits jackpot. Just like the husband of a princess, comes into wealth and authority ”

Pausing for breath, she adjusted in her chair and went on.

“We marry Single, spirit -filled and spirit -controlled men of proven character and integrity. This is kingdom marriage”

Regina was silent, head bowed.

“Spirit-filled does not mean praying in tongues while committing sin. It means living a life predicated on biblical convictions, whether popular or not”,Sis. Emma held Regina’s gaze. “Do you see my point?”

“Ma?”

“Do you see why you cannot put your life on hold, waiting for a man to leave his wife and marry you? It is a sell-out” Sis. Emma stated.

“You are selling yourself short. What do you think this is? Hollywood? This is the kingdom of God, darling. We have standards and precepts”

“Sis. Emma…….”

“Yes, hon?”

“I am afraid. This is the 1st man with whom I have felt safe, who has not derided me or used my weaknesses against me. Will I find another like him?”, she asked.

Sis. Emma reached for both her hands and held them in hers.

“Can you trust me? I have been single for over 10 years. Believe me, it is not easy. Numerous men made advances, even married men. I chose to remain single. Let me tell you, there is no shame in being single”

“But, I don’t want to die an old maid!”, Regina protested.

“I said I chose to be single. You will find your own man but, you have to learn to be single first. Spending everyday craving a partner, is unhealthy. You are the daughter of the king. We do not pine!”

Regina sighed wearily.

“Work with me. Let’s celebrate this stage of your life before we prepare you for the next. I want you to release that man. Cut him loose! ” Sis. Emma advised.

The room was silent but heavy as her words hung in the air like a dark cloud, heavy with rain.

****************************************************

Magnus was at a meeting with Don, a client. They were at a coffee shop close to Don’s business premises. It was 10 am.

“In essence, what I’m asking is whether you’d come with me if I set up my own firm?”, Magnus asked.

He had just told him how he was let go. Don thought for a while, leaning forward over his cup of coffee and fiddling with the rim of the cup. Then he sighed.

“I always got the best of representations from you. You are a brilliant lawyer and I see no reason not to transfer my brief to you”, he stated.

“Really?”, Magnus squealed, pumping his fist in the air and then reaching across for an enthusiastic hand shake.

“I’m so grateful man. You won’t regret it”

“There is 1 issue though”, Don interjected.

“Huh?”

“I want you to be sincere with me”

“Yeah?”

“Last time we met, you were in a relationship with a lady who I counselled you to leave” Magnus nodded, head hanging.

“Are you still with her? ”

“Not really……”

“Because, I need to know that you are a man of integrity. If you cannot keep your word to your wife, why should I entrust my business which I built from scratch with my blood ,sweat and tears, to you?”,he held his gaze.

“I….We are….It’s complicated”, Magnus scratched his head.

“I offered to help, you never called me. How can I help you set yourself free from this woman?”, Don asked.

Magnus sighed deeply and bowed his head. He had battled for days with the new feeling of regret over his failing marriage. After his last talk with his wife, each of them had crept back into their shells. There was an uneasy truce. It was okay to exchange greetings but they did not discuss further. No one wanted to risk hurt. He wanted to end things with Regina but was afraid.

What if Ij went back to being an intolerable nag? He would have no Regina to fall back on. What if Chike came back into her life? It was obvious he had left her for a while as he no longer saw his messages in her phone. Could he bear the thought that someone else had been “intimate” with his wife? Would Regina survive without him? He had been there for her through her lowest moments, till she recently stopped experiencing the nightmares. Wasn’t that a sign that God approved their relationship? If he went back to his wife, now he was jobless, would she use it as an excuse to deride him? Would she think he ran back to her because no one would have him? All these and more, plagued his mind.

“Tell me about her”, Don encouraged.

Magnus launched into a tale of how he met Regina, how they fell in love, and how they got to the point that he decided to abandon his wife and sons, to marry her. Don listened in silence.

“I have so much to share but I will tell you about my wife”, Don began when he ended.

“She was my classmate in the university. We weathered so many storms together before we married. As soon as the cash rolled in, I began to notice her quirks that I used to overlook. She was too outspoken, I wanted her more demure, more homely, more submissive. No matter how she adjusted to meet my expectations, I kept raising the bar” He paused for breath and then continued.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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14 thoughts on “Adire 33

    LYNDA said:
    November 14, 2014 at 10:33 pm

    God is working it out for them,Magnus and Regina need to break free.

    tessadoghor said:
    November 14, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    Great counselor

    Both of them are getting good godly counsel from people who believe in them and in the God of restoration who can restore hearts back to the way it was supposed to be and who can restore marriages to the way it was supposed to be.

    I can’t wait to hear Don’s story

    Silent reader said:
    November 15, 2014 at 12:08 am

    I think we need more guys to read this story. I bet Don’s story would help them.
    Isn’t it great how God brings pple we need into our lives at just the right time?
    Thank you Dr N. Hope all’s been well and our little ones haven’t been keeping you too busy? Been wondering what’s keeping us from a fresh dose of Adire. 14 days interval is too long.
    Enjoyed this as usual.

    gaile said:
    November 15, 2014 at 5:10 am

    Dr, I was just about to phone you asking why you had not written more. Thank you for your write up. I pray that God uses these stories to change lives and turn many who are on the path of destruction. The Devil is very crafty. May God give us wisdom and the Spirit of discernment.

    Bless you dear!

    exceptionalstar said:
    November 15, 2014 at 7:16 am

    This story is learning avenue for both singles and married.

    Sue said:
    November 15, 2014 at 7:55 am

    This is not just a story, it’s so rich and powerful and I believe God will use it to help other people struggling with some of these issues. To be honest, I never looked at Regina with compassion until this chapter. Thank you, Dr N, for helping us see a little clearer with the eyes of Jesus!

      E' said:
      July 29, 2015 at 9:23 am

      Me too. Never looked at her in this way until this eps. Frankly before now, I found her boringly stupid. Lol. Now? A lil less

        drnsmusings responded:
        August 5, 2015 at 6:44 am

        Have mercy

    sandy said:
    November 15, 2014 at 9:06 am

    makes you wonder what human beings keep inside that until certain people come into your life then its like a dam burst.
    When you wrote the Regina’s chest would tighten, I had to stop and think how easy it is to fall into unhealthy dependency. Even Magnus had to say he doesnt know how Regina could live without him.

    Now I understand why people stay in some relationships, its not love that liberates ….its dependency

    We need to be whole on our own

    dnddyon said:
    November 15, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    Kai! You just cut us off abruptly… Not fair oh (wipes tears)
    nice progression for the couples… I like
    lol, I just like good news

    Tii said:
    November 16, 2014 at 6:22 am

    “Spirit-filled does not mean praying in tongues while committing sin. It means living a life predicated on biblical convictions, whether popular or not”

    Hmmmmmmmm
    This is a perfect line. God bless you, ma’am. How’s the baby?

    Anonymous Chick said:
    November 16, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Wow! This post was real deep. I agree with others that more sympathy is sort of felt for Regina now.

    As humans, we really do hold onto a lot of hurt for fear of rejection. I like the way Catholics do confessions as lots of people get to release pent up emotions and secretes without being seen or criticized.

    Next please as you promised 2 posts. Thumbs up doc!

    niki said:
    November 17, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Like the fact we are getting to the root of regina’s problem.

    Fey said:
    August 16, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Hmmn,

    I like Regina’s answer on who a husband is…

    Anonymous Chick, I second your like about Catholics and the confessions ( sacrament of penance). Being a Catholic faithful myself, a good confession definitely frees the penitent of guilt and unnecessary baggage as the priest assures the penitent of our Lord Jesus Christ’s redeeming love and His payment of the price for our sins.

    I heard a Catholic priest say once that Catholic Christians are very privileged to have confessions and that’s why it is a sacrament (outward sign of inward grace) because it is absolutely FREE…

    Going to the Psychiatrist, Psychologist, or marriage/ guidance counsellors are more likely than not going to cost $£€¥N but with Christ it is free.

    Isaiah 55:2-3 comes to mind (oya go and read it…)

    Thank you Dr. N for writing this awesome story…ADIRE…

    I just read the whole story…i got referred from Eziaha’s blog

    ++

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