Letter to Nanny 2

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If it seems too good to be true it probably is. You were such a blessing to us that after 3 months, we engaged a private tutor to teach you to read and write. Even spelling your name was a chore. I could not understand how a 21 year old could not read and write. You were so dilligent that you rarely needed tobe told what to do. In fact, I often had to scold you to stop cleaning and eat something. And the kids loved you.

 

Our bone of contention was the 1 weekend you had off every month. You claimed you spent it with a sister of yours in another state but I suspected this was not true. Someone called you each time you returned and you blushed and gushed over “him”, using endearments I had to memorize and ask someone who spoke your language to translate. Eventually, you opened up to me about him. It was the day he seized your purse and prevented you from returning on the right day. You told me you loved and wanted to marry him. Moreso, as you were told women are like flowers that bloom in the morning and wilt at night. Someone sold the lie to you that if you did not marry him, you would be left on the shelf.

 

I reasoned with you, I begged, I pleaded. I wanted you to spend 2 years with us because if you learned to read and write you could take O’levels as a private candidate and then update your employability. You see, Nanny, I did not want you to remain a Nanny for life. I dreamed of you owning a cleaning services company, or heading a franchise, for you are a good leader. My heart was broken when you left a few months ago to marry him. Notice he refused to meet us as requested. Did you say he promised to hire a tutor for you? What a laugh! People will say anything to fool you.

 

I ignored you for a while, answering coldly when you called to ask about the kids. Even when you called on E-boy’s birthday, I was surprised you remembered but I didn’t ask if you needed help. I heard it in your voice, I sensed your regret, I felt your pain but, it was not my business, I decided. You laid your bed and you would lie in it.

 

Today, you are back, cleaning my house every day and returning to him at night. What difference has he made in your life? He snatched you out , for what? You have no skills, no training, no education. He did not start a business for you. I heard you live in a wooden house in the slum. I dare not ask for I know you will say all is well.

 

Well, I hope he is worth it. I hope he still professes the love for that is all he has to give. Please, Nanny, look out for yourself. It’s a cold cruel world out there. Even in marriage, there is often extreme loneliness, sometimes leading to depression and suicidal thoughts. I know how many young mothers who have told me they felt like taking their lives because their husbands appeared so fulfilled in their careers while they felt stuck with the kids.

 

Look out for yourself, darling. It’s a cold, cold, world.

 

 

Cheers, Dr. N

 

 

 

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34 thoughts on “Letter to Nanny 2

    StupendousGrace said:
    December 4, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Oh wow!!! I felt such pain reading this.

    In the multitude of counsel, there is safety.
    There’s so many lessons to learn. I hope we all learn from her experience. Sadly, it is a common occurrence, we are too much in a hurry to become our own masters that we do not wait for our ‘service’ to mature and once the motivation for our choices are wrong, it scarcely ends well.

    Thanks Dr. N. God bless you.

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 4, 2015 at 11:25 pm

      Apt dear. Couldnt have summed it better

      E' said:
      December 6, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      I had to look up again to know if I was on DrN’s blog or yours…

    ame okwudi said:
    December 4, 2015 at 9:01 am

    Deep!

    Grace Gigi said:
    December 4, 2015 at 11:15 am

    We once had a nanny like this who chose some guy over the lesson she was enrolled in.. I dunno what became of her. Sigh!!

    Epiphany29.com
    Demin X Capris

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 4, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      U can imagine? I kept hoping I was wrong but see na

        Grace Gigi said:
        December 5, 2015 at 2:19 am

        I think they probably feel as nannies they wont find a husband. Something to do with self esteem so they latch on to the first male who wisphers the word marriage to them. If only they knew that even with basic education, they would be better off than none at all. #WhatIThink

        drnsmusings responded:
        December 5, 2015 at 3:07 pm

        Basic education O! I asked 1 if she would be able to assist her kids with homework like I do mine. She shook her head sadly. 4 months later she quit. Same story

    thegracedmisfit said:
    December 4, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Oh my. 😥
    I remember reading the first letter and how it help reset my brain at the time. I wasn’t expecting the part 2 to read this way. I do hope she’ll be fine.

    Welcome back, I miss you gannn..

    http://www.thegracedmisfit.com

    D'Dream said:
    December 4, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    Awww, this is deep! 😧 , why or why?😢😢.
    Opportunity loss

    Anonymous Chick said:
    December 6, 2015 at 7:32 am

    This is soooo sad! It happens everywhere and to even educated ones. Someone I know in Nig dropped out of uni to get married, she’s never worked and never allowed to start a business. Her husband treats her like trash and gives her money as he seems fit! She feels stuck and can’t leave because of her kids.

    So many regrets on the part of your nanny but she’d be glad you guys took her back. Many young ladies esp those with no education or training see marriage as a sort of escape route to stability and security. Stories like these full ground remain….

    Good to see a new post! Compliments of the season.

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 6, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Compliments of d season dear.
      I wrote it so even d educated can learn from her story. Certain sacrifices shd be made only in marriage. While single, I don’t know why I shd cut short my dreams for anyone. I will not

    E' said:
    December 6, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    I want to cry!!!!
    I want to hit someone!!!
    Ugh

    Hope N said:
    December 6, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Same thing almost happened to me, though I wasn’t a nanny.
    I finished secondary school at age 17 and stayed at home for 7yrs because my dad refused to let me further. At first I was comfortable but when I reached age 21, I became frustrated and thought marriage would be an escape route, infact I almost got married but God somehow stopped it. The guy even promised to sponsor my education seeing I was desperate for it, but it didn’t work out and I’m thankful today because I know he wouldn’t have.
    I’m now in my 2nd year in a college of education and have a lot of plans for myself. Though marriage still crosses my heart, I’m no longer as desperate as before and can’t leave my education for it.

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 6, 2015 at 11:11 pm

      May God exalt you so that all those who thought making you sit at home was the best will become champions of girl child education. e hugs

    nikki said:
    December 6, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    I remember when she left to get married…. she is too young to be ‘stucked’. I just pray God turns around her situation.

    kaycee said:
    December 8, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Wow… Thanks for taking her back. That’s the sad reality of what happens to many girls.
    It’s been a long time doc

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 10, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      U can say that again. Had to recuperate after d series

    Fola said:
    December 9, 2015 at 9:50 am

    We parents owe our children a duty of enlightening and directing them.God help us.
    Unfortunately today, a lot of young ladies still see marriage & motherhood as the only things they need to achieve; they are myopic and lack the ability to see the big picture. I would not be surprised if she’s the one catering to her husband’s financial needs out of her income from cleaning. It’s never too late; I pray she realizes this someday soon and make a great leader out of today’s cleaner.

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 10, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      Or at least stop her kids from making d same mistake

    miss Pynk said:
    December 11, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    Mrs N. I dealt with a similar situation this year. My own help even had gone to tailoring school before she came to work for me. I got her a sewing machine within the first 2 months so she wouldnt be idle on her down time. I had a death in the family and left for 2 months but left her in the bq and paid her salary. The goal was after the first year we would discuss jamb and waec and possibly returning to school.

    A month after I came back this girl told me she was going to marry. I asked her what the guy does? He is a teacher – where and how old? Badagry side some Islamic school. I now asked her how about school? He said he will send her to school. I said bo problem – go ahead but you wont see a dime from me as congrats. She left.

    2 months later I calledher to come and see for me. And i asked her how marriage was – she broke down crying….dude is 34 she is 22 or so. The guy earns n17k a month, she was earning n20k with me – free room and 2 meals a day. Oh did i say the guy was previously married with 3 kids?

    She wanted to comr back to work, i had someone new. The guy wanted her to come back to work…. apparently she had used her money to pay for the said wedding- so all she saved – n100k she said.

    By the time i made up my mind to take her back about 2 months after her breakdown incident – she confessed to being pregnant. This is someone i had warned not to get pregnant as the guy could barely take care of the 3 on groubd and she couldnt even find a tailoring job. I told her to look for a small shop and i would try to assist her and hustle for a year before having a baby – so she can cater for the child.

    After the pregnancy announcement i just told myself that i cannot want a better future for someone than they want for themselves. I cannot deprive myself to help someone who doesnt understand process or want to earn a better future. I have left her matter alone.

    http://www.pynk360.com

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 12, 2015 at 9:57 am

      U can’t really love your neighbour more than they love themselves. I mean romance is overrated. Women need to be more business like. Men do not marry for love alone. They consider what u r bringing to d table. Most of all, they do not halt their dreams for u. Ever! I suppirt ur decision, Nne

    D'Dream said:
    December 11, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    I took a cue from the above comment to relay this incident

    My aunt need a house help, so she was brought from the village. When see came she was looking really thin, jaggedly looking and uneducated. She was about sixteen, couldn’t read or write even though her mum said she just finished primary school.

    So my aunt thought maybe school is not her way and decides to enrol her in a fashion designing outfit. This girl was practically lazy, unkempt and snobbish. You had to keep repeating everyday routine to her else she is daft to do things in the house.

    My aunt actually want to return her but I pleaded on her behalf perhaps she will improve. I was wrong because she never did almost causing my aunt high BP. By this time she was fatter than everybody in the house and she was given free rein to eat whatever she likes and was treated as one of the family.

    Fast forward a year later, she refused to come back from holidaying with her parent for the festive period. This was a girl that her parents are farmers and practically had no plans whatsoever for her. Whereas she could have stayed with my aunt who was tolerant of her insolent attitudes.

    She and her parent connived and accused a cousin of mine as the reason for not coming back because my said cousin want to rape her. My aunt was really furious. I mean they couldn’t inform my aunt direct but had to tell it to my aunt elder sister. Rape is not a matter to be taken lightly. If the accusation is true, why avoiding a meeting to determine the truth.

    My aunt later discovered the unseriousness of these people and was deeply sorry for the future of this girl. She caant read, write or speak English at all and when you fimnd someone who is willing to go all the miles for you to make you a better person. You pay her back this way.

    Its so sad when you are trying to help this illiterate house help but their mind and perception is very archaic. Some of them thinks marriage is all there is to life. Only few of them are wise enough not to be deceived by tbose randy men brainwashing their mind.

    http://www..thedreamconvo.WordPress.com

      drnsmusings responded:
      December 12, 2015 at 10:01 am

      Yes O. There is a serious issue here. Sexual relations. A house help once got preg for someone’s husband but lied that it was the lady’s bro that was responsible. He told them when d baby was born, d truth wld be revealed. The baby was a girl, a carbon copy of the daughter of d family.
      But this was months after a lot of turmoil and embarrassment

        D'Dream said:
        December 12, 2015 at 10:14 pm

        May God continue to deliver us

    cassie daves said:
    December 12, 2015 at 9:07 am
    bola said:
    February 2, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    my heart bleeds for the lady in question…..but then aint we like that with God sometimes?
    He always have a better plan but we think he is too slow. or perhaps he doesn’t understand,
    its better to just surrender, ( even when its not from your heart). cos the consequences are always too costly and cut deeply.

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