Secrets of my Mentor

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Woman wrapped in towel staring out window

During marriage counselling , we met a wonderful woman of God, who I will call Sis. M. She is a bubbly extrovert, an over the top achiever. You know those women who turn every discussion to a spiritual angle, yet are so modern and young at heart that you love them. She’s razz, yet deep. I can’t explain her.

Her walk with God makes her so confident that she takes over the room without seeming obnoxious. I am a very willing learner. She always says hubby and I drew more out of her than other couples she counselled.

This post is specifically for my sisters who have waited for the right time. After saying no for so long, it’s difficult to say yes. Many remain unsure, years after marriage, and their husbands are frustrated.

1. Should I enjoy sex?

Yes, you should. If you don’t, find out why and tackle it. God wants you to enjoy sex as much as your husband does.

2. How often is too often?

I ask you, how often is too often to do the things you enjoy, like reading my blog (winks)?

3. Why is it painful?

It should not be. If you are a virgin, hubby should take it slowly until you get used to it. This often takes few days to weeks

4. What if I’m tired? Are you doing hubby a favor? I will answer this later.

5. All I can think about is the chores I need to do and the workload in the office.

Yeah, while in church, do you also daydream like that? Pastor preaches a storm while your mind wanders?

6. I’m shy.

Great! Probably turns him on. Do it shy.

7. My body is not perfect.

Yet, he chose you! He must be daft. Please, divorce him so he can marry Gisele Bundcheon! Silly child! Is he perfect? You won’t hear him moaning about his ‘one pack’ or crooked teeth, ever.

8. Can I just shut my eyes till it’s over?

Yeah, sure, cause it’s a rape situation, right?

9. I don’t want babies yet .

Heard of contraception?

10. He’s too rough, impatient, too big?

You might wanna tell him, lovingly. He will adjust.

Most men are roughly the same size down there. Don’t mind the movies. If a baby with head circumference of 35 cm can pass, you know ‘he ain’t too big’

I will do a post for the men or convince hubby to (lol). However, today, it’s about the ladies.

What Sis M said.

Now I told you she was funky, right? These are her words, not mine.

Great sex, requires a great attitude. Psalm 101. “Bless the Lord, I tell myself. Don’t forget his benefits. Who ………” You get the gist? Ok, I’ll explain. She says most women have a negative inner voice that works against us. We have to tell ourselves the benefits of romance, in order to enjoy it always.

So, hubby reaches for me and tries to pull me over to him. What do I say to myself? “O, no, not again! I’m not in the mood. Let me pretend to be sleeping so he’ll leave me alone”

I can choose to do that but Sis. M says to speak to the mountain and it will move (I told you she’s spiritual like that). So I say to myself.

“I am always interested in making love to my husband. He is the joy of my life. When we come together, I have a great time. My needs are met, my body refreshed, my mind calmed and my sleep will be even sweeter. This is a favor I do myself. By drinking from the well of our love, I quench his thirst and mine. Therefore, I look younger, feel stronger, and my creativity is heightened. No wonder I am always in the mood”

This silences the inner voice of complaints. You know ladies like to complain, right. Truly, the way we think can only change by force. We renew our minds by the word and after abstaining for a while or for life, you certainly need to renew your mind.

He is not taking from you, he is giving to you.

You are not doing him a favor, you are watering your marriage.

Sex is not a bargaining chip for gucci bags and prada shoes.

No excuse is good enough for something that benefits you. Just as exercise comes with benefits.

Can you be genuinely tired, not in the mood, e.t.c.? Yeah, but if I interviewed your husband, would he say that is always the case, occassionally the case, or rarely the case? Medically, those with healthy sex lives, fall ill less often, recover faster when ill, live longer, and are happier.

Yes, there are medical reasons for pain during sex. Some include, infections, complications from childbirth, and many more. Do see a doctor and get it resolved. Where no such reason exists, a great mindset will cure much. As promised, a post for the men will tackle some issues that have to do with their role.

I chose to play down the medical jargon because of the disease called “medical studentism”. Most people develop symptoms of any illness they read about. If you have questions,send me an email via

This is a follow up to my post “Great Sex” And if you are sinlge and not abstaining, why aren’t you?

Cheers, Dr. N.


31 thoughts on “Secrets of my Mentor

    ifegirl said:
    July 2, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Nice article! Ehm….but ehm please Adire 10… and 11 12 to the end at once!

    Feyi's Dairy said:
    July 2, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Lol @ No 6 &8. I’m sooo looking forward to getting married hehe.
    Nice article Doc

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 2, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      Thanks. Expecting my IV O!

    Feyi's Dairy said:
    July 2, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    Yes ohh, when do we get the next ‘dose’ of Adire???

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 2, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      Lol. And u post weekly? Just saying……

    Fola said:
    July 3, 2014 at 8:19 am

    Having UTI immediately after sex thrice has made me shrink a little at the thought of fully enjoying it. One of the things I enjoyed mostly – foreplay (using his fingers) sparked it off twice (I noticed because there was no penetration at both times)and sex did once (the first time actually). I always think something insane must be wrong with me……..

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 3, 2014 at 8:58 am

      If he keeps his nails short and clean, and u also take a bath 1st, d possibility of UTI will be reduced. Also, empty your bladder before and after sex. ? Are u a christian? Then, apply some faith for healing. Also, I think u need to see a doc to be sure it’s just UTI and nothing else.

    E' said:
    July 3, 2014 at 8:51 am

    Hahaha at the closing line. WHY AREN’T YOU?

    Funny I didn’t even know you were married.

    Great Post

    Anonymous Chick said:
    July 3, 2014 at 9:23 am

    I absolutely loved this and yes, a post for the men would be great too.

    Like others, I also sometimes forget that this is not just a ‘story/novel’ blog. We love your stories doc… so next chapter plsss…..

    And did I mention how much I loved this post? And yes, sex indeed waters marriage and causes it to blossom. Men are always happier husbands when they are well fed in this regard and in turn make sure that their wives are happy too 😉

    diademstots said:
    July 3, 2014 at 9:53 am

    Great post Doc, it’s good that you write posts like this occasionally, because though there are good books out there that deals with these things and from a godly perspective too, some people can’t read anything lengthy. They however read blogs as blog posts are usually short. So you are helping some marriages out there.

    Fola Daniel Adelesi said:
    July 3, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    ‘hehehehe’ *clearing throat* abeg small pikin dey here o!

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 3, 2014 at 9:16 pm

      Looks under the table, n behind d curtain. “Where?”

    Cate said:
    July 4, 2014 at 6:27 am

    Great post here dr N. I’d like to add that lubrication is very important during sex. You should engage in fore-play with your husband long enough to get you fully lubricated. Lack of lubrication can cause chaffing which is painful. Been there.
    Waiting for more on Adire!

    Inthe... said:
    July 4, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    I do to even know Sis M but I love her already! Great post and excellent advise. Much to learn.

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 4, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Thanks, Sis. She’s awesome. Do u know she spaced her 3 kids by faith? No contraception. Hmmmm. She’s deep

    jcsgrl said:
    July 5, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    Wow Sis M is da bomb! Imagine speaking to that mountain. A friend who is a jim jim Christian said she and hubby will pray in tongues b4 getting intimate and the sex will be ground shaking. My carnal self could not fathom such thinking. Speaking in tongues and love making? Bet erm now I’m beginning to see the wisdom in her tip. I shall try it in oga when nxt he visits….LDM things.
    On another note, someone asked a question on BN on how do you know ure sexually compatible when ure supposed to be abstaining from sex when courting? Well I offered a few suggestions, however I would like to hear your thoughts since you write oh so brilliantly…winks

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 5, 2014 at 10:23 pm

      Ha, see assignment? Tell me your thoughts first, then I’ll tell u mine. #winks

        jcsgrl said:
        July 7, 2014 at 2:19 pm

        Ha Doc you want me to go first? Ok how shall we proceed? Leave it as a comment or send an email? Are you going to do a post about it?

        drnsmusings responded:
        July 7, 2014 at 5:47 pm

        If it’s long send an email then I’ll do a post. Hugs

    jcsgrl said:
    July 8, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    While I’m too lazy to write an article, but these are signs you could look out for in a christian brother to know if there is sexual chemistry or attraction
    1. The way he looks at you. Does he look at you with the “gosh-if-i-didnt-fear-God-I-will-so-hit-that” look. When you walk into the room does he stare whether lustfully or lovingly? (I caught le hubs on a few of those lustful stares)
    2. If you decide to kiss, his 3rd leg like someone mentioned should react. Sometimes even a hug sef will stir a boner depending on the time of the day
    3. Does he talk about the wedding night? Is he excited, anticipating, mischievously giving you looks on what he would do to you?
    4. Do you guys talk about sex? What styles you will like to try? How often you will engage in said activities?
    5. There should be something about you that turns him on. Whether a midnight talk on the phone, hugging, kissing, wearing a particular dress or perfume. Notice his reactions to your body (not naked o) I mean when you’re looking sexy
    6. Does he love your curves and all your edges? LMAO I’m going John Legend on you

      drnsmusings responded:
      July 8, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Ewwww! Do u have a sex clinic? I’ll be referring patients.
      All I’ll add is abstinence is for christians who have been trusting God in other areas of their lives. If u can’t use your faith for simple things, don’t try it.
      I agree wt all u said. Talking about expectations is key

    venkat yeluri said:
    July 10, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Awesome, Superb, very romantic, Nice article! –

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