During marriage counselling , we met a wonderful woman of God, who I will call Sis. M. She is a bubbly extrovert, an over the top achiever. You know those women who turn every discussion to a spiritual angle, yet are so modern and young at heart that you love them. She’s razz, yet deep. I can’t explain her.
Her walk with God makes her so confident that she takes over the room without seeming obnoxious. I am a very willing learner. She always says hubby and I drew more out of her than other couples she counselled.
This post is specifically for my sisters who have waited for the right time. After saying no for so long, it’s difficult to say yes. Many remain unsure, years after marriage, and their husbands are frustrated.
1. Should I enjoy sex?
Yes, you should. If you don’t, find out why and tackle it. God wants you to enjoy sex as much as your husband does.
2. How often is too often?
I ask you, how often is too often to do the things you enjoy, like reading my blog (winks)?
3. Why is it painful?
It should not be. If you are a virgin, hubby should take it slowly until you get used to it. This often takes few days to weeks
4. What if I’m tired? Are you doing hubby a favor? I will answer this later.
5. All I can think about is the chores I need to do and the workload in the office.
Yeah, while in church, do you also daydream like that? Pastor preaches a storm while your mind wanders?
6. I’m shy.
Great! Probably turns him on. Do it shy.
7. My body is not perfect.
Yet, he chose you! He must be daft. Please, divorce him so he can marry Gisele Bundcheon! Silly child! Is he perfect? You won’t hear him moaning about his ‘one pack’ or crooked teeth, ever.
8. Can I just shut my eyes till it’s over?
Yeah, sure, cause it’s a rape situation, right?
9. I don’t want babies yet .
Heard of contraception?
10. He’s too rough, impatient, too big?
You might wanna tell him, lovingly. He will adjust.
Most men are roughly the same size down there. Don’t mind the movies. If a baby with head circumference of 35 cm can pass, you know ‘he ain’t too big’
I will do a post for the men or convince hubby to (lol). However, today, it’s about the ladies.
What Sis M said.
Now I told you she was funky, right? These are her words, not mine.
Great sex, requires a great attitude. Psalm 101. “Bless the Lord, I tell myself. Don’t forget his benefits. Who ………” You get the gist? Ok, I’ll explain. She says most women have a negative inner voice that works against us. We have to tell ourselves the benefits of romance, in order to enjoy it always.
So, hubby reaches for me and tries to pull me over to him. What do I say to myself? “O, no, not again! I’m not in the mood. Let me pretend to be sleeping so he’ll leave me alone”
I can choose to do that but Sis. M says to speak to the mountain and it will move (I told you she’s spiritual like that). So I say to myself.
“I am always interested in making love to my husband. He is the joy of my life. When we come together, I have a great time. My needs are met, my body refreshed, my mind calmed and my sleep will be even sweeter. This is a favor I do myself. By drinking from the well of our love, I quench his thirst and mine. Therefore, I look younger, feel stronger, and my creativity is heightened. No wonder I am always in the mood”
This silences the inner voice of complaints. You know ladies like to complain, right. Truly, the way we think can only change by force. We renew our minds by the word and after abstaining for a while or for life, you certainly need to renew your mind.
He is not taking from you, he is giving to you.
You are not doing him a favor, you are watering your marriage.
Sex is not a bargaining chip for gucci bags and prada shoes.
No excuse is good enough for something that benefits you. Just as exercise comes with benefits.
Can you be genuinely tired, not in the mood, e.t.c.? Yeah, but if I interviewed your husband, would he say that is always the case, occassionally the case, or rarely the case? Medically, those with healthy sex lives, fall ill less often, recover faster when ill, live longer, and are happier.
Yes, there are medical reasons for pain during sex. Some include, infections, complications from childbirth, and many more. Do see a doctor and get it resolved. Where no such reason exists, a great mindset will cure much. As promised, a post for the men will tackle some issues that have to do with their role.
I chose to play down the medical jargon because of the disease called “medical studentism”. Most people develop symptoms of any illness they read about. If you have questions,send me an email via email@example.com.
This is a follow up to my post “Great Sex” And if you are sinlge and not abstaining, why aren’t you?
Cheers, Dr. N.