Staphylococcus stories

 

 

I have been itching to share my staph stories with you, so pardon the enthusiasm with which I relate them. Lol. This became a money maker for Nigerian traditional medicine practitioners some years ago, and till date, many Nigerians are confused about what it means. Let me give a short background, please read through.

Staphylococcus is a type of bacteria (a living thing invisible to the naked eye), that actually exists in many parts of the human body, especially the skin, without causing harm. Through research, we are taught what kinds of diseases it can cause. If you decide to conduct a test on say, urine, the container you use to collect it might come in contact with your skin. Under the microscope, staphylococcus is seen. Experienced health personnel will ignore it as a contaminant, but quacks will leap in the air. “Eureka! You have staph!”

I don’t know the person who came up with the intelligent idea, but staph is now blamed for every sypmptom under the sun. Crawling sensation on the skin, yellow urine, poor sleep, rumbling stomach, weak erection, nightmares, name it. These charlatans are better teachers than we are, they are on TV, radio, newspapers, buses, street corners, shouting their diagnoses. While they were brain washinging our people, doctors were laughing. We felt no one would believe them. How can an enlightened man believe that staphylococcus is causing him not to ejaculate 3 times every night? Doesn’t he think it’s possible he’s tired and just needed time to recoup? (Let me tell you, patients have actually asked me for drugs to enable them go 5 rounds. I wonder the women who are their partners! #Shudders).

Having enlightened you, let me tell you my story. But first, if you are wondering why people believe in staph, it is because it shows up in almost every laboratory test. Seeing is believing. How can you argue with Baba Ijebu telling you you have staph, when the test confirms it? This lady in her early 40s came into my office and the first thing she said was “Doctor, I have staph”

When they start like that, I mentally prepare myself for a long fight, cause unlearning is very difficult.

“How did you know you have staph? What exactly are your symptoms?” I asked.

She said she slept poorly, and felt a crawling sensation all over her body.

“In fact, I came for CT scan for my brain. I want to visualize the staph myself. I want to see the thing that is worrying me”

“Are you married? Tell me about yourself? ”

It turns out she was a pastor’s wife?

“Really? Does he know you are emotinally stressed? Is he too busy? ”

“There are 3 daughters in my family and we are all married to pastors. She actually said this because, I  was sharing scriptures on Jesus being our peace. Effectively telling me I was preaching to the choir.

” What do your sisters say?”

“It was one of them,also married to a pastor, who took me to the native doctor, that told me I have staph. All 3 of us have the same symptoms and have been treating it for years. Why is staph so difficult to treat?”

“You mean your sister, a pastor’s wife, took you to a native doctor? Does your husband know?”

She replied that he did not, and would be livid if he did.

“He would be indeed! You are the reason his ministry is not progressing! Inviting demons into your home, while he’s sweating and praying for breakthrough?”

She was sorry, but not repentant. I spent time teaching her that her symptoms were symptoms of Depression. She did not believe me. After I had spent precious time couseling her, she told me she would go elsewhere for the CT scan. Mind you, it costs about N50,000.

“I have actually done the scan elsewhere” she stated calmly .

“Did it show the staph?” I asked.

” No, and the doctor there told me exactly what you just said. As though you both planned it”

“Then why won’t you listen? What can I do to convince you to at least try anti depressants?”

“Doc, this is not tablet matter. The native doctor even warned me that orthodox medicine will not help me. Thank you. I’ll go elsewhere for the scan”

That was how she got up and left. After reading my posts, you will understand why I take time out of my busy schedule to write them. Some people are beyond my reach. Only you, their neighbour, friend, brother, colleague, pastor can help them. They trust you, they know you have honest motives, so, they’ll believe you. Sometimes, peopke think doctors are trying to fleece them. Someone actually told me he believes doctors wake up every morning and pray that people fall ill in their numbers. What is the guarantee they’ll come to you? With all these quacks competing for attention. How absurd!

Back to my point, staphylococcus is not a disease but a bacteria. It cannot be the reason for every problem under the sun. Let’s correct this impression, once for all. In another post, I’ll highlight the diseases it causes. Be a light in this dark world. Cheers.